(For Guys Only)

Here is my best advice for a better marriage: Value your Valentine!  This is the litmus test. I can tell you how your relationship is going with your wife by how much you value her, period.  Guys, the reason your wife married you is that she felt valued by you. And I guarantee you, if you feel the cold shoulder it’s because she doesn’t feel valued by you anymore.

LET’S TALK

Linda and I have had about three major crises in our marriage, times where we really hit a wall and communication broke down and, well, to put it bluntly, we were pretty miserable!

I can tell you that much of the problem came back to me failing to love and value her the way a husband should. For example, about six years into our marriage and ministry, Linda told me that she felt like my job was more important to me than her and the boys. She felt I was rarely home and when I was home, I was still on the clock, working on church stuff. She felt resentful and unloved. In fact, she called the church my mistress!  That was kind of harsh…

There’s an additional element to being a pastor’s wife. She felt like she was in the way of God’s work. How do you argue with God? My words of wisdom were, “Well you knew I was going to be a pastor before we got married.” It seemed that we couldn’t talk without put-downs, criticism, and sarcasm.  What I was doing was minimizing Linda’s feelings and her value. She didn’t feel like she was important to me.

Here’s the light that went on for me – I must value my wife. So how do you do that? Here is a list of ten things that I have put into practice:

1. Listen to her and value her opinion.
2. Communicate – let her know what I am thinking and feeling.
3. Pray for her and with her every day.
4. Thank her for all the things she does.
5. Call her “cutie” and “beautiful.”
6. Spend time face to face. Have a regular date-time at least once a week!
7. Find out what she likes and start doing it!
8. Find out what she doesn’t like and stop doing it.
9. Clean the dishes and the toilets (Yes, Linda likes me doing that!).
10. Tell her and show her, “I love you,” as often as possible.

“Love each other with genuine affection,
and take delight in honoring each other.”
Romans 12:10 (NLT)

BEFORE YOU GO

How do you value your valentine? What would you add to my list? What is amazing is it’s never too late. Your wife will change her attitude toward you the moment she knows you truly value and love her.