Don’t tell me…

Good morning! As pastors, we love people (well, most of the time). That’s why we are in ministry. However, no one enjoys some of the hurtful things people may say. One of my wife’s pet peeves is people try to tell me something through her. That’s just one of the things on the list of things we really don’t like to hear.


Here are the lists my wife made about things not to say to a pastor and his wife. Each of them is worth some conversation.

10 Things Pastors Really Don’t Like to Hear…

  1. I’m not being fed.
  2. We are leaving and so are…
  3. We don’t like the music
  4. Someone else told me to tell you…
  5. Don’t take this personally, but…
  6. Here’s a DVD of the preacher we heard on vacation. He was great!
  7. This is our church and we’ve been here longer than you have.
  8. We don’t want those kind of people at church.
  9. At my old church, we used to…
  10. You’re not getting a raise this year.

10 Things Pastors’ Wives Don’t Like to Hear…

  1. I expect more from your kids
  2. Will you tell your husband…?
  3. I didn’t invite you to the party because I didn’t think you’d enjoy it.
  4. Here comes the “first lady of the church.”
  5. Could you work in the nursery, lead the Women’s Bible study and bring meals to the sick?
  6. Do you know what your daughter posted on Facebook?
  7. So, just exactly what do you do at church?
  8. I read on the internet all about what’s wrong with the DVD-based Bible study leader.
  9. Heard you went to Hawaii for your vacation. Must be nice to have that kind of money.
  10. “Now the fun can begin!” (overheard as we were leaving the party.)

Hearing things like this brings discouragement and not a lot of joy. Hebrews 13:17 says, “Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.”

…their work will be a joy, not a burden…

I think it’s important to acknowledge the hurt and rejection we feel. Writing in a journal or talking to a trusted friend can help. Most of all, God tells us to cast all our cares on Him. We should tell him our hurt and ask for the Holy Spirit to fill us with joy.


Linda and I are on vacation this week! New Hope sent us on this trip as a “thank you” for pastoring there. Thank you, New Hope!

10 Comments Add yours

  1. Matt Juarez says:

    Thanks Randy. This is why I am always so thankful for you and Linda and your faithfulness to us all these years. You both have a great calling. I know I would’ve barbecued the “sheep” and had me some carne asada long ago! May the Lord continue to bless you both abundantly for your obedience to the ministry my friend.


  2. Lisa Arredondo says:

    Have a WONDERFUL time Randy and Linda!


  3. blondie70 says:

    Enjoy your vacation, everybody needs one


  4. Anne says:

    Well deserved! Have a great time.


  5. Good post. People probably don’t mean some of the things they say as the come out of their mouths but it can still be bothersome. We were two nights at a church once and were hosted by the pastor the first night and then moved to a second home because, as the pastor’s wife told us, “To share the burden.” Makes you feel really welcome!

    One quick observation about not saying to the pastor’s wife, “Here comes the first lady of the church”: Culture affects what we do and don’t want to hear. In Liberia the pastor’s wife is considered to be the mother of the church and you had better remember it if you don’t want to insult her. “Mother” is the preferred way to address her. I am still getting used to it. The cleaning lady, fix it man and night security guard all call Niki “Mommy”. Weird at first but is a term of respect so I have gotten used to it. And the beggars call me “Papa”!


  6. Pam Burbank says:

    Thanks for the reminder…..sometimes I catch myself telling my pastor/pastor’s wife: “we used to do this….” or “in the past…..” I will catch it before it slips out next time!


  7. Rachael Juarez says:

    Randy, such good information. Thanks so much for sharing these hurtful comments. Very sad we do this. I know I am guilty of some of them or at least others that werent mentioned.
    We miss you and Linda! Have a wonderful vacation!


  8. Keith Lamm says:

    Excellent reminder and perspective. Appreciate your encouraging words.


  9. Good Word! As a Pastor’s Wife #2 is the most headache. It can get you down more than anything.


  10. Pingback: Taking Time Off

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